Got this Taggy thing from Adrian.

Yes, 1st time and I like to break the rule by not listing the tag in my blog! (ha!)
You can imagine what i do with all those spam emails...

What is this about ? to SHARE SEVEN FACT ABOUT MYSELF.

1. I love and hate to be challenge.
- I heart it as I pushed myself to the limit and most of the time, I surpassed my own expectation.
- I hate it cause i know the challenger want me to FAIL.... I hate ppl belittle me.

2. I am very honest to everyone and myself only sometimes.
- have to admit truth is sometimes painful.

3. I want to be beautiful...
but never passed my own level of accepting beautiful in skinned deep though I can accept others as so.

4. I like buy gift for their.
I enjoy the spark their eyes, the smile, and the surprise. Have to admit, I am pretty good to impress ppl.

5. I am romantic... but that dying off when I grew older.
I remembered I wrote 10pages letter every week for 3months. I never fail to beep the phone with poetic phrase just to charm my love.

6. I was afraid to die alone.
Have this thought that one day I die in my room (I m not with my family) and rotted for days and no one found out. *crazy* but true.

7. I am too afraid
to show the gentle me.... Very few persons discovered that and they are my real buddies.

To Adrian, I complete this tag and I found we have similiarity like watches (I have 9now), phones (like it but never get through my heart to buy an expensive one), dream (I like daydreaming), Travelling (limited budget) and artistic (ha.....i think i am. Not sure if other appreciate it).

Been almost 3months, I left my comfort zone "old place". Living with 3 new strangers, which we do not talk much. Guess, I will never get to know a new friend or a new house mate like I used to hang out with Ms. Potatoe or Little BlowWind. Friends are not easy to get by when we grow older... fact, I am 31 this year. What a number.

Today, I will just rant and rant. Very upset with work - making me wanting so much to leave this work. Ironically, I left the old job for new challenge, new dream and even make an attempt to shift my comfort zone for this job. Time really flies, next month on the 8th, I will be 1 year old in this work place.

People here worked me out, not the work, not the management and not the strategy. I think is take so much time for this company to grow because they carry to many passager in the ship and no one is rowing. I walk in to this place 1 yr ago and never stop rowing and all I can hear is complaints and critism. I am working on a promotion for my due 1 year, paper been sent in.... but it only make me prepare for more storm to come and less participant. The people in my team are okay... improved... and renewed.

Is the ppl with Big Mouth and their F***ing Ego that I hate so much. They drain my emotion away.
It take so much with my patience that I spent so much effort to contain and cumulated for the last 2 yrs.
Yes, I am frust and noted that I am yaking the same over and over. They mess up my brain today.

Anyway, is also frustrating knowing that not many been able to console me like Hen. I missed him, having all the wisdom words that may comfort me. Meeting him last month, satisfied my curiousity... yes, no spark.... none. So bluesky moved on.

I made the decision and move on Reese. I think I am too old to choose and I do not have the liberty to choose like I used to be so picky. Things went ok. Dad not very impressed even by just hearing about him only. I sometimes dissapointed, I ask why I still like him even when I can't stand him at times. Panda would hate me of leaving him if he gonna find out about Reese. Both very similiar personality, yet I have different opinion about it. Leaving one and acquiring one.

About Pa... I AM LOST, i feel the void......... anyone out there?

I am at cross road again
My thoughts are so ironic, i can only laid them by points for this time.
1. A new job offer, need me to relocate (far from KL).
- I need the money(all prices goes up with the fuel hike)
- I hate to move again, I just moved to a very comfortable home near to work (5mins drive away).
- I want a change at my job (kick ass away from those gossip crazy ppl)
- I am in the midst of deciding on a relationship to blossom.
- I hate changes with my surrounding life... the only place can change without resistance will be my work place.
2. A new man in my life
- He is not my dream man, but he is loveable, gentle, most of all love me like no one else do.
- I can't relocate if I gonna carry on with this.
- He dunno Pa.
- He may struggle with my new plan of kick the bad debt and get a house.
- He is my pinata now.
3. An expired relationship
- clueness of what's going on.
- it's over that i can move on?
- what the world is telling? i am reserve to move on to new job, cos it will only be closer to him.
- closer to him means more confusion.
4. A new house
- want a place of my own, but with work decision... *sigh* i am trap again.
- need to channel my degree of finance into 1... a revamp on how i spend money need to be check.
- will start my expenses book again.
- I need to warm home that belong to me, be it with or without a man.

I seems to be more distance with my life with Pa and the church friends. I simply have this resistancy on connecting with them. Maybe i want to sort out my life here and now.

Here there, the confuse me.

I spent past 6 years in this room, rented room.
I grew, in my cave, i feel comfort and the space of being me. My solitude with my books and PC. My solo time in tears and under the blanket. I am packing bit by bit, moving to a new room soon, I am looking forward to a home... not getting married and move in with someone. Just decided I need to have a change in enviroment. A place for my 2nd phase growth - ha! mid life.

Packing lots of memories in the box.

Been 11 years already since I last see him, I only have some shadows of memories... remembering how he look like. I have indeed learn to accept and face the fact that i lost him. Only remembered the agony I have to put him behind get started with my life again.

Today, on this special date, I still missed him...........

Now, things are pretty stable for me since I turned 30. However, I may not be the someone I used to be, the one that stick by the rules and determined to the end. I take a few short cut in my life and fall short of my standard to something lesser... only in my personal life.